Nasruddin

Missive #713 Published 15 May 2026

139. Walnuts and Watermelons

One afternoon, Nasruddin was resting in the shade of a walnut tree next to a watermelon patch.
“What a strange world this is!” he exclaimed. “Tiny walnuts are growing on this enormous tree, while the watermelons are lying there in the dirt, growing on those scrawny vines. If I were in charge, I’d arrange things in a much more logical way.”
Then a walnut happened to fall on Nasruddin’s head.
“Praise God, now I understand!” he exclaimed. “It is because of Divine Providence that I was hit on the head by this tiny walnut and not by an enormous watermelon.”

Missive #708 Published 8 May 2026

138. Nasruddin Divides the Walnuts

“Help us!” the boys said to Nasruddin. “We have this bag of walnuts but we don’t know how to divide them.”
“Do you want to divide them God’s way, or the human way?”
“God’s way!” shouted the boys.
So Nasruddin gave two handfuls to one boy, a handful to another, a few walnuts to the third, and none to the fourth.
The boys looked at him in confusion.
“All things come from God, not just walnuts,” Nasruddin explained. “Life itself is a gift from God! As for walnuts: he gives more to some, less to others, and some get none.”

Missive #703 Published 1 May 2026

“Nothing but bread and cheese,” Nasruddin would say each day as he looked longingly at the food the other men had for their lunch. He saw dolmas, kebabs, tabbouleh, yogurt, pilaf, all kinds of food.
“You complain like this every day,” one of the men said to Nasruddin. “You should tell your wife to make you something different for lunch.”
“I’m not married,” said Nasruddin.
“Who makes your lunch then?”
“I do,” Nasruddin admitted, staring sadly at his bread and cheese.

Missive #700 Published 24 April 2026

136. Nasruddin and the Baklava

Nasruddin was a holy man’s disciple.
Another disciple brought their master a plate of baklava, and he didn’t want Nasruddin to eat any.
“This is from our master’s enemies,” he told Nasruddin. “I suspect it’s poisoned, so don’t touch it!”
The disciple left, and Nasruddin couldn’t resist. He grabbed the baklava, but he dropped the plate. Crash!
The other disciple rushed in to see what had happened and found Nasruddin down on all fours, eating baklava.
“I dropped the plate!” Nasruddin confessed. “In my shame, I wanted to die, so I’m eating as much of the poison as I can.”

Missive #695 Published 17 April 2026

135. Nasruddin and the Box

Nasruddin’s friend gave him a box for safekeeping. “I’ll be back to collect it tomorrow or the day after. But whatever you do, don’t look in the box!”
“I understand,” said Nasruddin. “Don’t worry.”
“Thank you!” said Nasruddin’s friend, and he left.
Of course Nasruddin immediately opened the box. There was baklava inside!
He ate one piece.
Then another.
And another.
Finally he had eaten it all.
When his friend returned for the box, he opened it and saw it was empty.
“What happened to the baklava?” he asked.
“Don’t ask,” Nasruddin replied, “and I won’t have to tell you.”

Missive #690 Published 10 April 2026

134. Where’s the Halvah?

Nasruddin went to the grocer.
“I want some halvah, please,” he said.
“My apologies,” said the grocer. “I don’t have any halvah.”
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed Nasruddin. “How can a grocer not have halvah? I simply don’t understand. Tell me: do you have any flour?”
“Yes,” said the grocer.
“And what about sugar? Do you have any sugar?”
“Yes,” said the grocer.
“And do you have butter? Surely you have butter!”
“Yes,” said the grocer.
“So, isn’t it obvious? Everything you need is here!” Nasruddin concluded. “If you have flour and sugar and butter, why don’t you go make some halvah?”

Missive #687 Published 3 April 2026

133. Nasruddin Eats an Apple

Nasruddin walked by the grocer’s stall in the market. He was feeling very hungry, but he didn’t have any money.
As he looked at the heap of apples on display, Nasruddin could not resist. He reached out, grabbed one of the apples, and bit into it. “Delicious!” he exclaimed.
“Hey there!” shouted the grocer. “You can’t do that!”
“What do you mean?” asked Nasruddin.
“I mean you can’t eat that apple without paying for it,” shouted the grocer. “It’s not ethical!”
“Oh, that’s not a problem!” Nasruddin replied happily. “I’m eating this apple because it’s nutritional, not because it’s ethical.”

Missive #683 Published 27 March 2026

132. Nasruddin Eats the Walnuts and the Shells

Nasruddin was eating some walnuts, shells and all.
“What on earth are you doing?” asked his wife, surprised. “Why don’t you crack the shell and take the nut out before you eat them?”
“Well,” said Nasruddin. “I already know there’s a walnut in there, so I don’t need to crack the shells in order to find that out.”
He then ate another walnut in the shell
“Plus, when I paid for these, I paid by the pound, shells and all. If I throw away the shells, that’s like throwing away money!” Nasruddin explained. “This way, I’m getting my money’s worth.”

Missive #680 Published 20 March 2026

131. Nasruddin’s Views on Cheese

“Bring me some cheese,” Nasruddin said to his wife. “Cheese is healthy, and it’s tasty too. They say it’s good for your bones. I like cheese very much.”
“I don’t think we have any cheese,” Nasruddin’s wife replied apologetically.
“Just as well I suppose,” said Nasruddin. “They say cheese is hard on the stomach and it always gives me gas. I really don’t like cheese at all.”
“I don’t understand,” said Nasruddin’s wife, now very confused. “Do you like cheese, or do you not like it?”
“That depends on whether there’s any cheese in the house or not,” replied Nasruddin.

Missive #675 Published 13 March 2026

130. Nasruddin is Tired

“Go to the market and buy some meat for tonight’s stew!” said Nasruddin’s wife.
“I’m tired,” he complained, but he went to the market.
Later on she said, “Bring in some firewood!”
“I’m tired,” he groaned, but he brought in the firewood.
Next she told him, “Fetch some water!”
“Didn’t you hear me say I was tired?” he moaned, but he brought the water.
“Come eat dinner!” she said.
“I can see there’s no point in telling you how tired I am,” Nasruddin sighed, and then he raced to the dinner table so fast he almost tripped over his robes.