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Nasruddin

Missive #373 Published 25 October 2024

58. Nasruddin’s Two Wives

Nasruddin had two wives and he loved them both, but they were very jealous of one another, always competing for his affections.

In order to make peace in the house, Nasruddin got two identical green ribbons. He took each wife aside in private and gave her one of the ribbons. “Wear this under your clothes, but secretly; don’t show or tell anyone.”

The next time the two wives ambushed him, asking which of them he loved more, Nasruddin smiled and said, “All I will say is that the one wearing the green ribbon is the one I love the most.”

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Missive #367 Published 18 October 2024

57. The Sound of a Cloak

Nasruddin and his wife were arguing loudly, and the neighbors heard everything, as usual.

But then there was a loud bump bump bump and finally a big thump.

The arguing stopped after that, and the neighbors wondered what had happened.

The next day one of the neighbors said to Nasruddin, “What happened last night? Is everything okay at your house?”

“Everything’s fine!” Nasruddin replied. “My wife just threw my cloak down the stairs.”

“I didn’t think a cloak could have made that much noise,” said the neighbor.

“Well,” Nasruddin admitted, “I happened to be wearing the cloak at the time.”

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Missive #363 Published 11 October 2024

56. Spouses, Past and Present

Nasruddin’s wife died, and eventually he married again. The woman he married was also widowed.

One night as they were lying in bed, Nasruddin’s wife began to reminisce about her late husband. “He was so strong, and so handsome!” she said. Then she added, “Unlike some people I know.”

“My late wife,” said Nasruddin, “was so beautiful, and such a good cook.” Then he added, “Unlike some people I know.”

As they quarreled, the bed suddenly collapsed underneath them, throwing them both on the floor.

“I didn’t think our bed would be strong enough to hold four people,” Nasruddin observed.

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Missive #359 Published 4 October 2024

55. Is Someone Snoring?

Nasruddin’s wife complained that she couldn’t sleep. “How can anybody sleep with all that loud snoring!” she said.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nasruddin replied. “Nothing is disturbing my sleep! But if it will make you feel better, I’ll stay awake tonight and investigate.”

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Missive #354 Published 27 September 2024

54. Itching and Scratching

Nasruddin and his wife lived in a small house and shared a small bed; they had just a single pillow.

One night Nasruddin’s head itched so badly that the itchy feeling woke him up. He scratched and scratched, but it didn’t do any good. “What an itch!” he thought to himself.

Then his wife yelled, “Stop scratching my head! I’m trying to sleep.”

“My apologies, dearest,” said Nasruddin. “Go back to sleep.”

Nasruddin then felt around until he found his own head.

“Ah,” he said to himself, happily scratching the itch. “That explains it. I was scratching the wrong head.”

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Missive #350 Published 20 September 2024

53. No Room in the Bed

Nasruddin and his wife had a very small bed. One night, Nasruddin’s wife couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re not giving me any space at all!” she shouted. “Get up and go! Just go!”

“Go where?” Nasruddin asked, barely awake.

“I don’t care! I just need some space in the bed so I can sleep.”

Nasruddin started walking.

Eventually, he ran into the nightwatchman who was patrolling the town.

“What are you doing out in the middle of the night?” he asked.

“I’m giving my wife some space,” Nasruddin explained. “Could you please go ask her if this is far enough?”

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Missive #346 Published 13 September 2024

52. How Old is Nasruddin’s Wife?

One evening Nasruddin turned to his wife and asked, “How old are you?”

“I don’t know,” she replied.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You keep track of everything!” Nasruddin exclaimed. “You know how many knives and forks we have, and how many pots and pans. You could probably tell me how many grains of rice there are in the pantry. How can you not know how old you are?”

“I keep household accounts so that I’ll know if someone steals something,” she replied. “But nobody is going to steal my age, so what’s the point in keeping track?”

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Missive #342 Published 6 September 2024

51. Nasruddin’s Wife and the Stew

“Here are four kilos of meat,” Nasruddin told his wife. “Please make a nice stew! I’m going out now to invite all my friends.”

Nasruddin’s wife made the stew but it smelled so good that she invited her friends over, and they ate all the stew.

When Nasruddin got home, his wife shouted, “That cat gobbled the meat before I could cook it!”

Nasruddin looked at her suspiciously. He grabbed the cat and put it on the scales.

“Four kilos!” he said. “So, if this is the cat, where’s the meat? And if this is the meat, where’s the cat?”

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Missive #339 Published 30 August 2024

50. Nine Months for a Baby

Nasruddin’s wife had given birth to a child barely three months after their wedding.
“Pardon me for asking,” said Nasruddin, “but doesn’t it usually take nine months for babies to be born?”
“That’s right,” she replied.
“But then how could you have had this child so soon?” he asked.
“It’s simple arithmetic,” she answered.

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Missive #336 Published 23 August 2024

49. Nasruddin’s Toothache

Nasruddin had a terrible toothache. It had been hurting for days, getting worse every day. It hurt when he lay down; it hurt when he was standing up. He tried putting warm compresses on it, but that did not help. Warm salt water did not help either. Nasruddin’s wife felt sorry for him at first, but she eventually lost her patience. “If that were my tooth,” she finally told him, “I would go have it removed.”

“If it were your tooth, I’d have it removed too!” Nasruddin shouted back at her. “The problem is that it’s my tooth, not yours.”

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