Nasruddin

Missive #350 Published 20 September 2024

53. No Room in the Bed

Nasruddin and his wife had a very small bed. One night, Nasruddin’s wife couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re not giving me any space at all!” she shouted. “Get up and go! Just go!”

“Go where?” Nasruddin asked, barely awake.

“I don’t care! I just need some space in the bed so I can sleep.”

Nasruddin started walking.

Eventually, he ran into the nightwatchman who was patrolling the town.

“What are you doing out in the middle of the night?” he asked.

“I’m giving my wife some space,” Nasruddin explained. “Could you please go ask her if this is far enough?”

Missive #342 Published 6 September 2024

51. Nasruddin’s Wife and the Stew

“Here are four kilos of meat,” Nasruddin told his wife. “Please make a nice stew! I’m going out now to invite all my friends.”

Nasruddin’s wife made the stew but it smelled so good that she invited her friends over, and they ate all the stew.

When Nasruddin got home, his wife shouted, “That cat gobbled the meat before I could cook it!”

Nasruddin looked at her suspiciously. He grabbed the cat and put it on the scales.

“Four kilos!” he said. “So, if this is the cat, where’s the meat? And if this is the meat, where’s the cat?”

Missive #339 Published 30 August 2024

50. Nine Months for a Baby

Nasruddin’s wife had given birth to a child barely three months after their wedding.
“Pardon me for asking,” said Nasruddin, “but doesn’t it usually take nine months for babies to be born?”
“That’s right,” she replied.
“But then how could you have had this child so soon?” he asked.
“It’s simple arithmetic,” she answered.

Missive #336 Published 23 August 2024

49. Nasruddin’s Toothache

Nasruddin had a terrible toothache. It had been hurting for days, getting worse every day. It hurt when he lay down; it hurt when he was standing up. He tried putting warm compresses on it, but that did not help. Warm salt water did not help either. Nasruddin’s wife felt sorry for him at first, but she eventually lost her patience. “If that were my tooth,” she finally told him, “I would go have it removed.”

“If it were your tooth, I’d have it removed too!” Nasruddin shouted back at her. “The problem is that it’s my tooth, not yours.”

Missive #333 Published 16 August 2024

48. Nasruddin’s Lost Key

Nasruddin was walking around his yard, peering down at the ground and muttering to himself.

Nasruddin’s wife came out and asked him, “Did you lose something?”

“I’ve lost my key,” said Nasruddin.

“I’ll help you look,” said his wife.

Some time passed, and his wife was ready to give up. “Do you have any idea just where exactly you might have dropped it?” she asked.

“I dropped it somewhere in the basement,” Nasruddin replied, not looking up.

“Then why are you looking for it out here?” she exclaimed.

“It’s dark in the basement,” Nasruddin said. “There’s more light out here.”

Missive #328 Published 9 August 2024

47. WHAT THE QUARREL WAS ABOUT

Nasruddin and his wife awoke to the sound of men quarreling outside. The shouting got louder and louder.

“I’ll go see what they are quarreling about,” said Nasruddin.

He then lit a lamp and went downstairs.

His wife heard him open the front door. Almost immediately, the shouting stopped. She wondered what Nasruddin had said to stop the quarrel so quickly.

“What happened?” she asked when he came back to bed.

“When I opened the door, one of them grabbed my lamp, and then they both ran off,” Nasruddin replied. “I suppose they must have been quarreling about my lamp!”

Missive #323 Published 2 August 2024

46. NASRUDDIN’S SENSE OF ECONOMY

Nasruddin was acting even more strangely than usual. He had put a patch over one eye and stuffed cotton in one nostril and in one ear. He had also tied one arm behind his back and was hopping on just one leg.

“Nasruddin!” shouted his wife. “Are you alright? What’s happened to you?”

“I’m fine!” replied Nasruddin. “I was just thinking that since I have two eyes and two ears and two nostrils, plus two arms and two legs, I should save one of each for future use. That way, I won’t use them both up at the same time.”

Missive #318 Published 26 July 2024

45. NASRUDDIN IN THE DARK

Night had come on quickly, and Nasruddin and his wife had forgotten to light a candle. Thus, they found themselves sitting in their house in the dark.

“It’s dark, husband,” Nasruddin’s wife said to him. “We need to light a candle.”

“I agree!” said Nasruddin. “It’s completely dark. I can’t see a thing!”

“Well, I’m sure there’s a candle over there on the table to your left. Hand me the candle and I’ll light it.”

“I don’t think that will work,” said Nasruddin. “How do you expect me to tell my left from my right in the dark like this?”

Missive #314 Published 19 July 2024

44. NASRUDDIN THE PROUD FATHER

A friend noticed him and said, “Nasruddin! Wait a moment and talk! I haven’t seen you in such a long time.”

“I really don’t have time to stop and talk,” Nasruddin explained. “I went out to do the shopping, and now I need to hurry home.”

“Why the rush?”

“My wife just had a baby!” Nasruddin said proudly.

“What wonderful news!” replied his friend. “I’m very glad for you. And is it a boy or a girl?”

Nasruddin stared at him in amazement. “Yes, it is!” he answered. “But how did you know?”